I said “No” to putting him on my list…

I wanted to share a quick story with you. Recently, I reconnected with a colleague that I hadn’t worked with in years. I reached out to him because one of my clients was in need of his services.

Over the course of our conversations in collaborating for my client, we got to talking about where we both are now in our businesses. He said that he had lost touch with my work because he didn’t think he was on my email list anymore. And he wasn’t. On the one hand, his email address had changed and on the other, I had removed him from my list. (which he didn’t know)

Of course because what I do here at Atfacevalu is so interesting and actually very applicable and complimentary to his area of expertise, he gave me his new email address and asked to be on my list.

I said, “No.”

I know, I know, by now you are thinking I’m crazy, but there is a reason for that. You see, this was a colleague I greatly respected (and still do) and back when I was starting out I had an opportunity to audition for a TV Show. I sent him the audition tape for his opinion (which I assumed would be nothing but praise and encouragement) and his response was a brutally painful critique that was extremely negative and critical. It was like a dagger to my heart or like stepping on a rusty nail. I was so affected by his response that I almost quit completely. I am very happy I did not, and I have done a ton of TV and Radio appearances since then that have been amazing.

But I did take a while to recover, probably longer than I would have if I had “sought the right cure” for this wound. You see as I have talked about in the past, criticism can be as painful as an actual physical wound and most people don’t realize they are wounding you that deeply.

My colleague certainly did not. In fact, since I had the courage to tell him “no,” to being on my list (because I am in such a wonderful place and I didn’t want to open myself up to his criticism again in any capacity. It’s not that I can’t take criticism, believe me, we all get criticized, but I know that criticism from those we care about can result in very damaging wounds. So, just as I wouldn’t intentionally step on a rusty nail, I won’t intentionally leave myself open to criticism pain.), I had to explain to him why I didn’t want him on the list.

I explained to him that he hurt me deeply with his response to my work in the past. He, of course, did not realize this and was very apologetic and tried to explain what he meant back then.

Then I used my Holy Grail, I told him, based on Facial Intelligence, how I need to receive feedback, so it doesn’t feel like painful criticism. Even if some of his points back then were valid, I would not have heard them because I was in too much pain.

We all can learn how to communicate with others in new ways, to help and relate without causing pain. The most effective way I have found to do that is using Facial Intelligence tools.

If you would like to learn how to stop stepping on emotional rusty nails, then we should talk. The self-awareness that Facial Intelligence has given me has improved every single area of my life and I know it could for you too – especially if you relate to this story of mine. You can always reach me here and we can chat about what Facial Intelligence can do for you.

Yours in strength and conviction,


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